Goals, schmoals.

Do remember when you were a kid and people used to ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up? I never had an answer. I never knew what I wanted to be. I even took a test in the guidance office at college, and it was completely inconclusive. There was just nothing that would appeal to me long term. Short term, some things sounded fine. Long term? No. Once I hit the workplace, the question changed to "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Again, no answer. I have never been one to set goals. Getting through the day seems a little too mundane to be called a goal, although that IS my most frequent goal as the mother of 3 kids.

I am a very practical, down to earth kind of person (I AM a triple Virgo, after all), so my interpretation of the complete lack of goals and aspirations was, quite frankly, that I would be dead by 30. No, I'm really not morbid, but there seriously was just NOTHING there in terms of goals and aspirations. So the answer must be nothing, right? Given the way people drive in parking lots, I figured that would be where I would meet my maker. I never did anything to speed along the process, mind you. Dying by 30 was really not a goal (remember, there WERE no goals).

Well 30 came and went, and so has 40. On reflection, I am a completely different person than I was in my previous decades. In a way, I did die. Missy Aylsworth no longer exists. Instead, the new version, Melissa Cavallone, has emerged. It was a metaphorical passing, not a literal one. OK, fair enough.

One day when I was talking to my mother, she made some comment that made me realize I think just the way she does. I then opened up about my thoughts regarding my lack of goals and vision, and she laughed because I indeed sound like her. Then she pointed out that my cousin Beth is the one who was in an accident in a parking lot, so I escaped that one. (Beth's ankle was broken, I believe, but thankfully she is still with us!)

There is no point to this story. No moral. No revelation. It just is. And I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

And now I know

So now I have the results of the hematology tests, and I know that it isn't all in my head. My fatigue goes beyond being the mother of 3 kids, and now at least someone will listen. And now I know why I basically collapse every weekend. After pushing through the entire week, chasing after and busing around my kids to school, Tae Kwon Do, softball, birthday parties, and music lessons, there is no energy left, no matter how much sleep I get.

Now for the fun part - finding out how often I need to get blood taken to keep it at an optimal level for me. Hmmm. It would be even better if I could have that blood taken without coming so close to passing out...