Irreconcilable differences

I have irreconcilable differences with my life. Right now, I have a lot of questions. I don't think anyone could answer them, and I don't know whether there would be any point to answering them. My biggest question is a doozy though, and it is "WHY???" Why do we do this? And by this, I mean anything. Why do we get up and go to work to make money to put food on the table? Why do we go shopping for food and clothing? Why do we care who wins what game, how much money we have, what kind of car, how big the tv is, or anything? Why do we even live? What are we trying to prove? Why are we trying to prove it? Why am I here? Why do I feel so empty?

That last why is perhaps the hardest. I love my husband and my kids, and even our dumb dog and nasty cat. I have nice friends, a nice house in a nice town. So why do I feel empty? What is missing? Did I goof up somewhere along the line? Is this, as Trent Reznor coined, a Terrible Lie? Is my entire life one big screw up that I missed the point somewhere along the line? Is this not where I am supposed to be? I don't get it.

So why, oh why does it matter if I lose the extra pounds I've been carrying around since I had my kids? I'm going to die anyway at some point, so does it matter if I don't gain back a couple of years? Do I really want to live into my 90s? I don't think so.

Some people would say that religion is missing from my life. Eh. I've been there and done that, in various forms. Have I just not found the right religion for me? The right community is more like it, since organized religions are, well, organizations.

I'm not suicidal (why would I want to do THAT?). I don't want pity. No "I'm sorry you feel this way" or "what can I do to help?". I won't have my own answers tomorrow, nor do I believe I ever will. Maybe it does all come down to 42, and don't forget your towel.