Jesus

It was recently brought to my attention that I have not shared enough of my Jesus stories. No, not THAT Jesus. The Jesus who was my neighbor in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn. Yes, the haunted apartment in Boerum Hill, but that's another entry (did I write that one yet?).

I asked Jesus once if I should call him "hay-soos", and he said no. His name was Jesus ("gee-sus"). OK then, Jesus it is.

Jesus was an older man, obviously of Hispanic origin, but I don't know where he was born. And did I mention that he only had 1 tooth, as far as I could tell? Yes, Jesus had one tooth.

I didn't interact much with Jesus. I kept to myself for the most part. The neighborhood wasn't that great, but it was on its way up. There really wasn't anything to do in my neighborhood though, and no local hang out that I would have found, much less frequented. My apartment was tiny, but it was just me and Stasia (my cat), so it didn't matter. Mark was often around too. One day, Jesus knocked on my door and gave me a mango. I bet you can't say that Jesus gave you a mango. I never did figure out WHY he gave me a mango. I didn't even like mangoes back then, so I'm pretty sure I tasted it then tossed it into the garbage. Jesus wasted a mango on me.

At some point, Jesus stopped working. I assumed he retired. I didn't see him much after that. Then one day, I found out why. Yeah. The neighbor found him, quite dead, because he smelled. Obviously Jesus didn't have a lot of friends checking in on him, and he'd been there for awhile. I think he essentially drank himself to death once he stopped working.

By talking with the neighbor who found him and the building superintendent, I learned that Jesus had quite a collection of girlie magazines in his apartment. So Jesus drank himself to death and was into porn. Kind of lends a whole new light on the phrase "What would Jesus do?", now doesn't it!?! This Jesus would have done anything. Even give a struggling young woman a mango.